Willow in the Sun.

I've pretty much posted this picture everywhere except for here, but I LOVE this shot. I took it somewhere on a trail in the Don Valley and everything just looks right.

Rinse and Repeat.

For the last couple of weeks I've been feeling like my life has been very "day in and day out". Wake up, go to work, rinse and repeat. I guess I have genuine fun at the pub on Tuesdays, but really all I do is get drunk and dread waking up and having to start the whole god damn work week all over again the next day. My appetite is gone, I don’t really smile unless someone else is in the room or giving me coffee, and I feel like my life is filling up into some kind of blank void of punching in and out of work as my waist line slowly gets wider and wider.

On Tuesday I talked to a friend of mine for a bit and she said that she thought I seemed unhappy and suggested getting back into school, and I agree. I’ve been sitting around doing nothing to better myself; so, I can sit and bitch or I can really start trying to configure my life in a way that makes me happy and gives me a bit of satisfaction and pride in what I do. I know how I feel day-to-day probably wont be back to normal with the snap of a finger, but you gotta turn the corner somewhere. 

So, I get up today with determination. I still feel like shit and I still have my bullshit hangups about how I look, but moping doesn’t help. I clean my place (cleaning makes me feel productive), I cart all washable items in my apartment over to the laundromat and I decide to bring my bike with me to work to ride home (I haven’t figured out school, but loosing weight is easy enough). So here's how the rest of my day went:

I get to work unenthused but I get a free coffee from Starbucks and was looking forward to a nice, leisurely bike ride home. Then my shift starts. Eight and a half hours elapse of mindless, idiotic questions, bookmarked she-male porn, and legit crack addicts, but I get out of work on time. A comparatively good day.

So after a day of feeling shitty and hot, (forgot to mention that the AC at work broke,)  I walk outside to find that it's still really warm, but not oppressively hot, and I start to feel a bit better. I turn on some podcasts, kick it in a high gear and start riding back to my place. 

When I get to Donmills and Lawrence I notice that there is a stunningly beautiful waxing gibbous moon sitting really low on the horizon, so low in fact that it was starting to be obscured by the hazy atmosphere, giving it this ineffably beautiful orange glow. I consider picking up the pace to get home in time to get a photograph, but a picture wouldn't have been able to capture how beautiful I thought it was. 

The light turns green, off I go again.

So there I was, riding along, the warm breeze is rushing by, the moon is slowly creeping into the west, and I’m feeling a lot better about everything. I wasn’t really smiling yet, but it was like breathing somehow got a bit easier to do. 

Just to get off the road for a bit (yes mom, I was wearing my helmet), I decide to cut through the Science Centre parking lot and take it easy for a little bit. I pause the podcast and glide through the north parking lot and much to my delight, the hydraulophone in the park entrance is still on and working! In case you’re not aware, a hydraulophone uses water instead of air to make sound, much like how a flute uses air to make noise.

Beautiful.

Cool.

Refreshing.

Water.

I get off my bike, take off my shoes, and play with the water for a bit, trying to see if I can make any actual notes but all I can muster are the sounds of a sexually frustrated whale. I don't care though, the lovely weather, the beautiful moon, and now the cool refreshing water had officially made me feel better. I am now officially in a good mood. I splash water over my legs arms and face, get back on my bike, and ride straight through another fountain and start on my way home again.

Then, a couple of assholes throw a bottle of water at me from a car and run a red light. 

The bad mood comes back, shaking with anger and adrenaline I come home, make some toast, and go to bed.

Rinse and repeat.

Do do.

Over the last couple weeks I feel like I’ve been sliding or changing in some way and I’m not really sure why. I find it hard to hold interest in things, I’m bored with my job and I’m bored with almost everything else in my life. I wake up, clean up, get ready for work, go to work, come home, make dinner and go to bed. Nothing (aside from Tuesday pub nights,) really gets me excited anymore. Its like all the days are starting to blend together into one gelatinous tech support bubble. There’s never enough free time to sit down and really do anything. Another thing thats bothering me is that I’ve but on a lot of weight and I have a really hard time motivating myself to stay active, I’ve been riding home from work on the odd occasion, but I’m not sure that it really helps much.

I thought I would have had my career already figured out buy now but college just looks elementary and boring, starting a new university degree would be very time consuming and finishing the one I started might not even really yield and positive results. The only thing I do know is that I don’t want to do what I’m doing right now.

I feel like I have to do do do do but I can’t think of anything reasonable or worth while to do.

Rainy day in Toronto

But Rubb'in

The more things change...