I think rain and classical music makes me feel pretty creative.
I spend most of my spare time wondering what I’m going to do with my life, I think about school, I think about where I’ll be in a year from now. None of it seems very clear. I often worry that I’ll never be able to decide and life will pass me by without my knowing it.
I think I stress too much about how other people understand the world, I feel like an asshole when I can’t helped but be annoyed when people rationalize life in ways that are vastly different from my own.
I think I’ve developed a really big fear of women, meeting girls is fucking terrifying to me. I never used to be like this.
I wonder if other people pay as much attention to what the air smells like as I do. I’m not sure if anything smells better than the air at my cottage on a summer morning.
I’m really worried about my grandparents, I don’t really like to talk about it though. After my granddad had a stroke I told him that if I could grow up and be anything like him, I’ll have know that I made all the right decisions in life. I’m glad I told him that, you should always say whats on your mind.
People, I think, try too hard to hold on to things in the past. Sometimes its better just to let things go and never revisit them.
I heard a great line in a podcast last week, “If you want to get to utopia take your first left on sex, your first right on money, and there it is straight ahead.”
I worry that life is going to/IS passing my by right now a lot lately too. I think this often is partnered with worrying so much about life, and if you're on the right path. The times in my life where I have been busier and felt more fulfilled than I currently do, I can't recall feeling that life was passing me by. While it's good to reflect, try to not dwell
ReplyDeleteI doubt the fear you sometimes feel around women is due to you actually fearing women. Since you're single and have been for awhile, I'm guessing it's that you're associating women with dating, and what you're really afarid of is rejection or failure, which you're projecting onto women. I may be really off, but if this is ringing a bell to you there is a positive, we all fear rejection, so in that you are absolutely not alone.
Im sorry for bringing up how your Grandpa was, I just saw the picture you have of him by your couch and it make me wonder about him, and I love him. I could tell from your tone of voice that you're not the most comfortable talking about it with others, which is now confirmed by reading this, so I'm sorry Matt. For asking and for his health getting worse. It must be hard.
And the air smells wonderful, especially near a body of water
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